Media indoctrination speech lacks satirical ingredients – just like this post

25 06 2009

news

toenailWHEN Neumi Leweni, the self-appointed star of several pieces of prose on Fiji Funcensored 4.5 recently launched the regime’s New Media Initiative, we were unresponsive.

This is because we had better things to do, such as collect toenail clippings.

This level of disinterest was reflected in the number of people who actually attended the launch, which according to Mr Leweni was like his brain stem – “small”.

The brain stem is important because it connects the brain and the spinal column. Take that out with a sniper rifle and you no longer have a functioning brain. In fact, you no longer have a functioning human being.

Take out several brain stems and you no longer have a functioning military regime.

(LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Fiji Funcensored 4.5 is not promoting assassination. But if someone is, the brain stem, if you can find it with your explosive bullet, is a good place to start.)

But we were also apathetic about the initiative. When we say “apathetic” we mean we couldn’t give a damn.

Now before any of you Leweni supporters get your britches in a tangle, we would like to categorically state that we do not wear britches.

We admit that Mr Leweni takes the general shape of  a human being and that he displays tendencies similar to emotions.

We also know that he may or may not have paid attention in school when his English teacher was explaining the finer points of vowel articulation and consonant formation, as well as accent, inflection and intonation.

But if we had a choice of listening to Mr Leweni drone on about how good life is under the emergency regulations, we would rather watch Esala Teleni’s greasy cheeks jiggle hypnotically.

After we got our minds off Mr Teleni’s cheeks, we decided that we had to be fair and take a second look at those plump cheeks because some of us find that exciting.

No, in fact, the rest of us had a second look at Mr Leweni’s speech. This was when we realised that we still didn’t give a damn about the New Media Initiative.

But what did give a damn about was the satirical potential. This thing had none.

Nevertheless, we were able to deduce that the New Media Initiative, henceforth the NMI and pronunced NeuMI, basically involved using the Fiji Sun as the regime’s mouthpiece.

This is because the Fiji Sun speaks English that is superior to Mr Leweni’s. The paper also has way better breath.

In his speech, Mr Leweni said the initiative would lead to a demarginalised society that was without corruption, a chiefly system or the 1997 Constitution. Actually, he said no such thing.

But the regime would build its utopian society by using the Fiji Sun to feed us only the information it wanted us to receive. In some societies this is known as brainwashing.

The final product of all this would be a societal erection that despite sociological pressures, would stand the test of time.

The trouble is, no erection lasts that long.

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3 responses

25 06 2009
soro

LMAO – u guys leave us breathless ! Can we add to your toenail collection?

26 06 2009
Robin Hood

LMAO. This is really funny. You guys get better and better with every post.

29 07 2009
Nasima

This is really funny. It really lightens the Swine flu load. I hope you will have more such funny items in the future.

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